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Saturday, November 7, 2009

Lacking Anything?

[originally handwritten, Nov. 7 '09 1.50 am]
Tonight was a very special and peculiar night. I just got home from Deb's debut (which was, by the way, an awesome and memorable event). After having dropped off by Ate Mara and Mateo, the first thing I wanted to do the moment I opened the gate was to go upstairs and cry.
I couldn't understand why I wanted to cry. But I am crying now as I am writing this. As I sorted out all the things that were running through my mind, I realized that I feel like I'm missing out on something--something that I think makes some people a little bit 'happier' than me--I don't know, maybe a typical Christian family with a mom and dad at home? Friends and relatives who openly show their affections? Having a godly, consistent guy around? Having a debut?
Then I realized that I am selfish for crying. I am selfish because instead of being happy for another person and seeing how God has blessed her in her life, my sinful heart made me see the negative side and blame Him for all the things I thought was 'lacking' in my life.
I am ashamed of myself. I feel like God was talking to me, telling me, "Dear Geline, you already had everything the day you came to know Me. Knowing Me, knowing the fact that I chose you, that I revealed Myself to you, that I revealed My love for you, isn't that a blessing enough?"
I didn't need those things I mentioned earlier to do my purpose on earth. My purpose is to serve Him, to glorify Him, in whatever means He gave me.
I remembered what Jamie Sullivan said in A Walk to Remember, when she talked about her leukemia:
"I don't need a reason to be angry with God."
Same thing, I don't need a reason to be angry with God for not letting me have the things I thought I was "lacking", because I am not lacking anything!
I have a family who loves me. I have a strong connection with them that many people nowadays wish to have with their own families. I have friends who treasure and appreciate me. I study in a good school. I eat three times a day. I have God in my life. I am more than blessed.
Things will not be as perfect as I want them to be, but I should keep in mind that this is not my final destination. My real citizenship is in heaven. This life is not the end.
And with that, I will strive to live my life in the best possible way I could without feeling discontentment--and all for His glory.
Goodnight. Este. Goodmorning.
I love you guys.
-Geline.=]

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