Realizations from "Starting Over Again" (warning: Spoilers!)

Credit: http://kcmalls.com

Star cinema did it again! I thought no romantic-comedy-drama movie can top "One More Chance" but I personally think this new movie "Starting Over Again" gave the same effect to me. Yes I am a fan of local rom-coms and I'd honestly watch it than typical hollywood action movies since I find them boring. #sorrynotsorry. Haha!

Anyway, coming from a time of vulnerability and sleepless nights, I can somewhat relate to this movie. It gave me lots of things to think about which are mostly good realizations about love and relationships. Here are my realizations: (PS: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE MOVIE!)

1. Sometimes people break up in terrible ways but for the right reasons

Like in Piolo and Toni's case, the breakup was terrible. Toni left Piolo crying in the rain without even opening the taxi cab. There was no closure, and Toni wasn't able to explain herself clearly to Piolo, but their breakup seemed a long time coming. They were not growing as a couple, Toni had many doubts and insecurities and Piolo seemed to have been complacent with her needs. The breakup caused them to grow both as individuals and helped them discover who they really were.

2. In love, there should be acceptance, and no fear

I liked what Iza Calzado (Patty) said about love. She said that there is no fear in love. This reminded me of a Bible verse 1 John 4:18 which says that "Perfect love drives out fear". It encompasses the beloved person's whole being. This means accepting the person's past, sticking out with him/her in the present and building your world with his/her future. This drives out the fears which is comprised of our doubts and insecurities. However, for me, this doesn't mean you should settle. It's either you have to be with someone you can accept, or you accept the one you choose to have.

3. You can never unlove a person, you only love him/her in a different way

Piolo said something like this when he was talking to Toni in the end. Loving doesn't just mean being with the person and having a relationship with them, it also means being kind enough to let them go. Loving means wanting the best for him or her. This mindset erases our bitterness because it helps us think that we let them go because we don't love them anymore, but because we love them enough to want the best for them.

Related: The Importance of Believing the Best in Love

4. A love built on friendship is the best kind of love

If you're seeking a romantic partner, it is better to have a relationship that is deeply rooted in a steady friendship. If you're just into physical and emotional chemistry and all the sparks and sprinkles, you're just bound for disappointment. He must know you. You must know her. You must share the common goals, beliefs and ideals. Your interests may be different but you complement each other thus this makes you grow. Your beloved should be your person, your confidante, your best friend. You should be able to tell them everything without fear and rejection. This is the best kind of love because when all the sparks are gone, friendship is what keeps you together. This is what mirrors Iza and Piolo's relationship in the movie because even if their love is steady and may seem "boring", their friendship is what kept them together.

Did you like "Starting Over Again?" What are your thoughts on this movie? 

Related: Searching Vs. Being

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Searching Vs. Being

An array of Valentine's Day-connotated candy decor. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The recently celebrated Valentines Day increased my awareness of my current singleness. On that Friday morning just outside our subdivision, I saw a girl being surprised by her boyfriend with a bouquet of flowers on the sidewalk. The sight made me smile despite the fact that I'm not the girl being surprised. 

I used to be a person who thinks that in order to be happily in a relationship, I will be in a continuous search. With a "characteristics list" in mind, I exposed myself in environments where I can find potential guys. By potential, I meant if I could only check out at least one or two characteristic from my list, I found it okay. I always thought I can "fix" them. I drove myself crazy with the sustained eye contacts, assuming what could it have meant, analyzing the text messages and why were they left unanswered, going on "dates" that I refused to call dates just because I was unsure of the person I was dating, and just literally obsessing over it. On the surface I looked calm and collected, but deep inside I was just hungry for the attention thinking to myself why it was so hard to just love someone and be loved the way I wanted to be loved. I was always in a "searching" mindset. I was so into the idea of having a relationship just for the sake of having it that I missed the whole point.

After a series of heartbreaks and disappointments, I finally broke free from this way of thinking and just started "being". If I searched and searched, it only meant that I was focusing on the person I want to meet. But that made me think, am I really ready to meet this person? If I want to meet a godly man, how is my spiritual growth? If I want to meet a hardworking person, how am I performing in my job? If I want to meet a person who listens, appreciates and respects me, how are those attitudes shining in my own life when I interact with other people?

So I decided to develop right habits since this year started. I decided to commit on improving my overall wellness--physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and social. I dedicated at least half an hour of my day in working out, being mindful of the food I ate, drinking my vitamins regularly. I decided that I should spend more time reading books, articles, and attending seminars that will increase my knowledge in my profession. I always try to invest time and resources for my family and friends. I also committed in reading and studying the Bible, going to group meetings and attending Sunday services with my family. I have to pray about ministry, since my heart is not yet set on where I should put my abilities to use for God. I have to develop a more patient and persevering attitude in my work and I've yet to develop coping with my anxieties and other negative emotions/thoughts.

Although I don't believe in the idea that I should just stop "searching" all together and hide under a rock and just wait for "God's best", I believe that it's not just about searching, it shouldn't be what singlehood is for the most part. For me now, it's going to be mostly about "being". It's a season of discovering myself, pursuing my dreams and doing what God wants for my life.

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Four Investments You Will Never Regret

Tuesdays with Morrie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When we talk about investments, the most common thing that comes to our mind are material and monetary possessions such as savings, a house, a car or a business. However, what I'm going to talk about today are investments which are not things, but relationships.

You see, I have read Tuesdays With Morrie for quite some time. A conversation with a friend reminded me of how Morrie valued his relationships above everything else, since at the end of his life, it will be the only thing that truly matters. This struck me because I personally feel that I haven't invested much on people and relationships in general. When I graduated, my mindset was to become successful at the shortest amount of time possible. But reminding myself of how Morrie saw his life, making himself as an instrument to inspire and help other people grow, I had a sudden change of mindset. Yes, I still had my material goals, but I realized that I needed to strike a balance with how I value them because at the end of my life, who will be beside my death bed? Will a house, a million worth of savings, a car and all these other things hold my hand and mourn for me? Definitely not. Over time, I learned to value my relationships more.

Here are the four investments you will never regret:

These are my friends from college, work, and church.

1. Friends

I'm talking about friends who bring a positive influence in your life. Friends who encourage you to pursue your dreams and those who are there to celebrate your joys and grieve with you at your lowest points. Right now I feel very blessed because I had gained so many friends across different areas of my life. I have friends from college, work and church. I know deep down that these people truly care and think the best of me. They bring sunshine in my life. Invest in friends who will not judge but accept you, but is honest enough not to turn a blind eye with your struggles. Invest in friends who will make you a better person. Do not isolate yourself because part of growth is knowing people and building friendships.

This is my family.

2. Family

Sometimes, the ones we are with every day are the ones we neglect the most. I encourage you to invest in your family. Show your mom and dad simple gestures of kindness and affection. Take them out to simple dinners, cook for them, have fun with them. Your presence is important. Sometimes you will feel like you know your friends more than your sister or brother, but don't let that be. Invest in getting to know them, helping them and doing small favors. Visit your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and don't use that smartphone in family reunions. Yes, I am preaching against myself because I tend to be complacent with investing time for my family. Your family may not be perfect, and you may feel like some things are holding you back from investing in them, but I believe God has His reasons why you have these people in your life. Treasure them, make time for them, and if they upset you, learn to forgive them every day.

I went to Villamor Airbase to volunteer for the typhoon victims,
 since we're not allowed to take pictures,
I kept this ID as a remembrance.

3. People in Need

I remembered how I talked about blessings and how God gave them to us, not just to enjoy them but to share them. We are often stuck in the rationale that only the millionaires are obliged to help those in need because we don't have anything to give. But just as how Jesus saw the heart of the poor widow who offered her coin (Mark 12:41-44), God sees our hearts, and not the amounts that we give. It doesn't have to be money or material things. We can offer our time, our skills and other resources that will help those who are in need. They can be victims of calamity, orphans, elderly, aspiring students and the like. Compassion is what makes us human, and we only learn to truly give once we learn to give to those who can't give anything in return.

Starting on writing my devotions again.

4. God

This is one thing I realized: If you learn to invest in God, all the things that you should learn to invest on will follow. Jesus' example of compassion with the sick, poor and needy gave me the heart to finally take a stand and volunteer, which is something outside outside of my comfort zone. His example of His love for his disciples helped me to show genuine love and concern towards my friends. His death for the church who is His family reminded me to show sacrificial love to my family. Today, I decided to start on my written journals again and I'm so blessed with how God reveals Himself to me when I offer a time into reading His word, with no distractions. If you have to make the biggest investment, invest on God. Invest your time and resources on Him. You may regret a lot of things in your life, but I guarantee you that knowing Him, seeking, pursuing Him relentlessly is something you will never regret.

I hope this post encourages you to make these top 4 investments in your life. 

Love,

Geline :)

I recommend this title that helps us invest in our relationships in a more profound way:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
How's your relationship with your mate? Your children? Your parents? Your siblings? It may be a matter of the state of the "love tank". Author Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate believes everyone has a love tank, and that tank is filled by different love languages. These five languages are Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. (credit: Amazon.com)

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The Importance of Believing the Best in Love

Credit: http://sxc.hu

1 Corinthians 13 is one of my favorite chapters of the whole Bible. It talks about what love is and what it is not, and it mirrors how God tries to relate to us and how we should relate to others. Out of the whole chapter, one of my favorite verses would be 7 and 8. Here is the AMP (Amplified) version:

"Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]."

1 Corinthians 13:7-8

When I was younger I did not understand what these verses meant. Until I got older and I came accross different circumstances in my life that appeared to be a testing of that verse. I was faced with a situation where I could either choose from two of these things: believing the best or assuming the worst. I guess I found this verse significant in my life and to the people I love because I have subconsciously thought that people do some things because they do it on purpose to hurt or harm me.

But you know what I realized? I realized that most of the things we are hurting from, especially those which are done by the people we love are not done on purpose. It's not what they did that matters, it's how we respond to what they did. That is why the Bible keeps telling us that love believes the best. If you love someone you will always persevere to believe the best of what he or she did. You will always think that this person did not do such things to purposefully hurt you, and that's where the other aspects of love go in, such as patience, kindness, and avoiding to keep a record of wrongs.

I realized that this way of thinking and this attitude towards others is so vital. It is so vital that it can change many relationships in an instant. We humans are afraid to be vulnerable and we go out of the world in a defensive mode. We always hurt, get angry, resent, show bitterness towards other people because deep in our minds and hearts we always assume that they do such things for the sake of making us feel that way.

But if you go out of your way, avoiding to succumb in your tendencies and try to see people the way God sees them, you will see the people around you in a different light. You will see the good heart in every person, and you will see that maybe, just maybe, you could have saved a lot of time avoiding unneccesary bitterness, heartache and resentment. Maybe you could have chosen to love instead.

This is a constant realization that I always try to preach myself everyday, but God has been patient in reminding me. If this article helped you, don't hesitate to share it to someone you love.

For further reading about 1 Corinthians 13 and what the Bible says about love, I recommend reading these two books:

What the Bible Says about Love Marriage & Sex: The Song of Solomon

With roughly a third of all marriages ending in divorce, there's never been a better time for this refresher course in the true meaning of a successful union. As New York Times bestselling author Dr. David Jeremiah reminds us, it's a biblical truth: Sex and passionate, romantic love are God's ideas!

The Love Chapter: The Meaning of First Corinthians 13 (Paraclete Essentials) 

One of the most important passages in the Scriptures, First Corinthians 13 is often read and rarely followed. Medieval theologian, John Chrysostom, was called the “golden-mouthed” one, for the eloquence of his preaching. His reputation extended from his native East to the Christian West, and he is remembered today as a Church Father for the entire Church. Now available in a popular contemporary English translation for the first time, The Love Chapter makes available these most important reflections of St. John, on a most important portion of the New Testament. 

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5 Facebook Behaviors Which Show That You're Still Not Over Your Ex

I'm not yet over you, therefore I will broadcast it

I will not deny it, I have done some pretty embarrassing things in Facebook and I really regret some of them. Some of them involve relationship problems. I find it amusing how some (or even most of us) seek attention in our social media profiles when we undergo relationship problems and the like. Have you and your partner recently broken up? Admit it--we've been there at some point and with the advent of social media and its power to broadcast and affect our personal lives, I came up with the most common (and nonsensically humorous) behaviors in Facebook which are definitely signs that you're still not over your ex.

"May I use your account to view his profile? Teehee."

1. You were able to unfriend or block him but you still view his profile from your mutual friends' accounts. Admit it, you've done this before! What's the point of blocking or deleting your ex-partner when you still crave to view his profile every now and then? "I can't take it, I must know how he is doing," that's our primary excuse.  Oh well, can't blame you for that. It's a subtle way to show that you're strong and moving on (even when you're secretly stalking you ex).

"Is he saying 'take care' to her? What a flirt!"

2. As you view your ex's profile, you scan through comments to see if there's an attractive woman/man that your ex is chatting with. You try to look for clues to see if he's dating anyone new. You feel that sinking feeling if you find out who it is, and you bask yourself in a bucket of ice cream and self-loathing. Sure, you can do this, but promise that you will jog the morning after. The best vengeance is success, remember that! ;-)

3. You're posting vague statuses about how you feel. "Changes are inevitable". It could mean anything, yeah, but most of your closest friends know what you're talking about so don't kid yourself. Vague statuses are fine every once in a while, but if you're posting it, say, at 30-minute intervals, it's just plain annoying.

4. You're posting Youtube music links in relation to your current status. Songs or even videos which you can relate to (mostly breakup songs or songs about moving on) are very common to people who underwent a sad breakup. Some even go far to make music covers of the songs they can relate to. Well, whatever floats your boat.

For the sake of jealousy, let's pretend I'm interested.

5. You start having active conversations in your wall towards the opposite sex in the hopes of making your ex jealous. This is really funny because even if you just want to end the conversation with this random person, you try to prolong it just for the sake of making your ex jealous. Relate-able, eh? Well, it's a desperate move but we've all been there.

I do hope I placed a smile on your face despite what you may be going through. Though these tell-tale signs show that you're still not over your ex, in time you will be. All it takes is learning to love yourself, pursuing your passions and appreciating life for what it is--its gains, losses, wins and defeats. It's all part of learning, of growing and being human.

Check out this great book that I recommend for the ladies who are trying to recover from a breakup:

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

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