My First Ever Pseudo-Boyfriend (WARNING: CHEESY PICTURE)

I didn't make this post in the hopes that you would "beg" me to go back to who we were once. It's funny how I made this post a little too late, at the time where everything is over and I can't take back what I told you and the people around me anymore.

You said that, there are some things that you did not totally understand about my decision. One is that, I realized that we were pursuing a kind of "love" that we know we really can't show to each other.

You didn't preserve me. I am haunted by your past. Our self-pride battles were like two angry roosters in a cockfight.

I'm impatient towards you. You had a tendency to flirt with others.

We didn't guard each other's hearts.

After the worst of misunderstandings, you told me we should take a step back and I was happy because I know we would be better in His eyes. I was happy until I found out that you were trying to get to know another girl. In our case, I should be fine with that since we already took a step back, right?

No. Why? Because we have gone way too deep, too close not to hurt if one of us chooses to fixate ourselves to a different person. I asked you if you wanted me to trust you, and you said you could not trust yourself. Now, how could I entrust my heart to someone who couldn't trust himself?

And so, I had to detach, knowing that it is the best way to keep myself from hurting and eventually being taken for granted as you wander around. Have we not led each other on, it would be perfectly fine for me. However, a lot of my emotions are anchored in your being that I had deliberately remove it in order to save myself from depression.

It is NOT because I did not want you anymore, nor my affections faded.

Now that my anger and hurt is almost diminished, I realized that what I did is just right--out of my love for God, for myself, and for you. I don't want to keep you from meeting His best for you, the same way that I don't want you to keep me from meeting His best for me.

It's funny too that although I know I made the right decision, I still miss you from time to time. I miss who we were or what we could've been if we did the right things first.

It's also funny that I still compare you to other guys I know, how one-of-a-kind you are to me even when people around me tell otherwise.

The reason why I cannot be bitter towards you is that I am also aware of my faults and shortcomings, and I hope you forgive me for all of them.

Maybe you don't think of our relationship this way, or by now you're occupied with other things or people. But as for me, I'm somehow happy that I learned a lot from this experience and I hope in time after everything's completely done and over with, we can be good friends.

Thanks for the memories, thanks for being you. It was awesome. And kinda...you know. HAHAHA! I'm kidding but you probably know what I meant (and that's another reason why God ended things this way). But seriously, it was one heck of a year-long ride I know I won't forget.

I hope we learned our lessons and become better men and women after this. I now decide to cherish the good, throw away the bad, and wipe the slate clean.

I know in time, as long as we keep trusting, God will reveal His wonderful plans in your life. And mine too. =)