The Dorm Life
Living in a dorm is a happy and sad experience. Happy because you feel like there's this sense of independence, this sense that you're an individual who is capable of surviving apart from the comforts home. Sad because at times you get lonely because you miss your family. I could say that I've pretty much adjusted, except for the coolness of the airconditioning that sometimes makes me abnormally sleepy.-_- I've had my worst days and best days here and all of them are unforgettable. It's an experience worth-trying.
I Don't Understand Everything
I don't understand where this kindness emanates from. Anyone with a logical sense of judgement would be greatly discouraged with all that you've seen and heard from me. Even I would be if I'm in your shoes. But you, I don't understand. It's either you don't get the idea, you're in denial, or you like me too much. I hope it's not any of those things. I feel like I have been the coldest person as I have ever been to a person who doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve your kindness, it's the first time I was given this great amount of attention and effort in my entire life in spite of me not reciprocating it.
This persistent attention which any girl would wish for also came from someone whom I think also deserves to be with me--considering his qualities and his status in life. It's just regretful that I don't feel the desire to pursue this "happy couple" image with him, or to know him to get to that stage.
Before, I used to wish that I'd be in this place with someone like you who is just right for me and everyone around me will be happy and contented with what they see. That in the process I'd learn to be happy too because everyone is happy and normal and I'm not hearing anything negative. But if ever that happens, what they will see is a beautiful picture... with a smile that concealed my empty heart. I tried. I really did.
I guess what I needed was something mentioned in that movie I recently watched in HBO, in The Story of Us, when Ben (Bruce Willis) said that he was talking about 'a certain connection, a look' that understands and empathizes on what I tell him and what I feel. I guess any person would call me a nitpicker when they see you. Even I would call myself a nitpicker. Perhaps they would say, "Why? What's wrong with him?" and I would tell them the truth... "Nothing."
It's because I don't understand everything--including myself. Only time will tell.
Geline, I'll share some quotes from people who were in the same situation:
ReplyDelete....."Rejecting someone is like removing a band-aid. It is only more uncomfortable the more you think about it. In reality, letting someone down quickly is very liberating for both sides--the sooner he knows where you stand, the sooner he can pursue other interests and opportunities, and the sooner your conscience can be clear that you did not prolong the situation longer than necessary or feel like you led him on."
....."Here's something that helps me. I tell myself, "Stop being so vain that you think a rejection from you will ruin someone's life and they will be reduced to a shivering, worthless husk if they don't receive acceptance from you. I mean, they somehow managed to live these (however many) years without your glorious presence."
....."Yeah, disappointing but not end-of-the-world earth-shattering. Most guys are used to some disappointment.
The longer you wait to tell him, the more disappointed he'll be, trust me on that.
He's been so good to me and I'm scared he's going to hate me and be upset and not want to be my friend.
Well, be honest with yourself. There's a good chance a big reason he was being so friendly before was because he thought he had a chance. Since he doesn't, it's not fair for you to assume he'll still keep coming around as much, even if he is a cool bloke that can brush off a little rejection. I'm sure he'd probably rather spend that time looking for someone who will actually reciprocate his feelings."
TAMAAAA.
ReplyDeletefeeling ko ok naman na siya =) kaya masaya na rin ako.