Oooh. Valentines.

Eto na naman ang season ni kupido. Season ng "love" daw.

I remember the same week last year, the season of Valentines to be exact, I experienced my most recent heartbreak. I called it heartbreak because it was truly a painful, ego-shattering experience for me. I have only been truly heartbroken for around three times in my life, but this certain heartbreak changed me a lot. Of course you can't blame me, I had a period of vulnerability many months after that incident.

But now, I gained my momentum and it somehow made me less naive, more cautious, or even "cold" in this aspect of my life.

I really liked this guy. I found everything about him so adorable, endearing, lovely, charming, well, you name it and it's what I think about him--I was smitten. Even the fact that he came from the province and went to study in Manila--I found that sweet and fascinating. I gave him such a high regard. I tried my best to know him, to match my interests and ideals with his. It was the first time someone whom I gave such a high regard actually gave me attention. I was so happy, I held on to the hope that his problematic relationship with his girlfriend would actually bring us closer together. I remember myself praying for us to be really close friends.

But I was too naive. I assumed too much from his friendliness and the seeming tenderness that he showed me. It turns out that he doesn't see me the same way. From one event, one simple event, every hope that I had for him to like me back fell apart.

And heck, it was painful. Too painful for me to even wait for dismissal and cry my eyes out. It was the first time I ever felt so bluntly hurt and humiliated.

Up to now, whenever I remember what happened, I still cry. Not because I still like the person, not anymore. I realized that I was crying because I am a proud person. I am too proud. I never thought I could be rejected in such a manner. If someone did, it would always happen that the person would come back to me, realizing his mistakes, and me not accepting him anymore with romantic interests, but only as friends. That built my ego, my confidence in myself that no one would ever reject me completely.

But that never happened to this guy. And you know what guys? I am thankful. I am thankful because it humbled me, showed me that I am capable of being rejected and hurt as well. God showed me through this that I shouldn't think of myself too highly--it's wrong for me to think that I won't be experiencing such kinds of things.

He taught me humility.

And that's how I saw the big picture--God uses painful circumstances in your life to teach you a valuable lesson you should always hold on to. This experience also taught me to be more cautious, to use my head, to discern circumstances in light of His guidance.

And for that, I'm very happy.

And what's funny is, December last year, God allowed me to go that exact same place that this guy and I agreed to go to last Valentine's Day. Thanks to one of my very good friends whose amazing company made me very happy that day. Thank you so much! =]

So ayun lang. It's not exactly a Valentine's post, but I hope you guys still read it! It's one of my most honest posts.

Bottom line is, don't invest your affections to people whom God did not intended you to be involved with.

Don't rush love because it will come to you at a time where you least expect it.

It's okay to be sad and lonely from time to time but the wait is nothing compared to the joy you'll experience when the Lord finally unfolds the mystery of that "missing puzzle piece" in your life. You'll know it when it's there.

I'm single and I'm proud of it!

Happy Single Awareness Week!

-Geline. =]