Searching Vs. Being

An array of Valentine's Day-connotated candy decor. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The recently celebrated Valentines Day increased my awareness of my current singleness. On that Friday morning just outside our subdivision, I saw a girl being surprised by her boyfriend with a bouquet of flowers on the sidewalk. The sight made me smile despite the fact that I'm not the girl being surprised. 

I used to be a person who thinks that in order to be happily in a relationship, I will be in a continuous search. With a "characteristics list" in mind, I exposed myself in environments where I can find potential guys. By potential, I meant if I could only check out at least one or two characteristic from my list, I found it okay. I always thought I can "fix" them. I drove myself crazy with the sustained eye contacts, assuming what could it have meant, analyzing the text messages and why were they left unanswered, going on "dates" that I refused to call dates just because I was unsure of the person I was dating, and just literally obsessing over it. On the surface I looked calm and collected, but deep inside I was just hungry for the attention thinking to myself why it was so hard to just love someone and be loved the way I wanted to be loved. I was always in a "searching" mindset. I was so into the idea of having a relationship just for the sake of having it that I missed the whole point.

After a series of heartbreaks and disappointments, I finally broke free from this way of thinking and just started "being". If I searched and searched, it only meant that I was focusing on the person I want to meet. But that made me think, am I really ready to meet this person? If I want to meet a godly man, how is my spiritual growth? If I want to meet a hardworking person, how am I performing in my job? If I want to meet a person who listens, appreciates and respects me, how are those attitudes shining in my own life when I interact with other people?

So I decided to develop right habits since this year started. I decided to commit on improving my overall wellness--physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and social. I dedicated at least half an hour of my day in working out, being mindful of the food I ate, drinking my vitamins regularly. I decided that I should spend more time reading books, articles, and attending seminars that will increase my knowledge in my profession. I always try to invest time and resources for my family and friends. I also committed in reading and studying the Bible, going to group meetings and attending Sunday services with my family. I have to pray about ministry, since my heart is not yet set on where I should put my abilities to use for God. I have to develop a more patient and persevering attitude in my work and I've yet to develop coping with my anxieties and other negative emotions/thoughts.

Although I don't believe in the idea that I should just stop "searching" all together and hide under a rock and just wait for "God's best", I believe that it's not just about searching, it shouldn't be what singlehood is for the most part. For me now, it's going to be mostly about "being". It's a season of discovering myself, pursuing my dreams and doing what God wants for my life.

Related articles

• Singlehood is a gift. Your future doesn't begin once you find a "significant other". It's happening now.
• A Letter to my Future Mate: It's Valentine's day. Where are you?
• Don't Give Me Diamonds
• Do Single People Actually Care About Being Single on Valentine's Day?
• Selfish : Self-centered : Singlehood

The Importance of Believing the Best in Love

Credit: http://sxc.hu

1 Corinthians 13 is one of my favorite chapters of the whole Bible. It talks about what love is and what it is not, and it mirrors how God tries to relate to us and how we should relate to others. Out of the whole chapter, one of my favorite verses would be 7 and 8. Here is the AMP (Amplified) version:

"Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]."

1 Corinthians 13:7-8

When I was younger I did not understand what these verses meant. Until I got older and I came accross different circumstances in my life that appeared to be a testing of that verse. I was faced with a situation where I could either choose from two of these things: believing the best or assuming the worst. I guess I found this verse significant in my life and to the people I love because I have subconsciously thought that people do some things because they do it on purpose to hurt or harm me.

But you know what I realized? I realized that most of the things we are hurting from, especially those which are done by the people we love are not done on purpose. It's not what they did that matters, it's how we respond to what they did. That is why the Bible keeps telling us that love believes the best. If you love someone you will always persevere to believe the best of what he or she did. You will always think that this person did not do such things to purposefully hurt you, and that's where the other aspects of love go in, such as patience, kindness, and avoiding to keep a record of wrongs.

I realized that this way of thinking and this attitude towards others is so vital. It is so vital that it can change many relationships in an instant. We humans are afraid to be vulnerable and we go out of the world in a defensive mode. We always hurt, get angry, resent, show bitterness towards other people because deep in our minds and hearts we always assume that they do such things for the sake of making us feel that way.

But if you go out of your way, avoiding to succumb in your tendencies and try to see people the way God sees them, you will see the people around you in a different light. You will see the good heart in every person, and you will see that maybe, just maybe, you could have saved a lot of time avoiding unneccesary bitterness, heartache and resentment. Maybe you could have chosen to love instead.

This is a constant realization that I always try to preach myself everyday, but God has been patient in reminding me. If this article helped you, don't hesitate to share it to someone you love.

For further reading about 1 Corinthians 13 and what the Bible says about love, I recommend reading these two books:

What the Bible Says about Love Marriage & Sex: The Song of Solomon

With roughly a third of all marriages ending in divorce, there's never been a better time for this refresher course in the true meaning of a successful union. As New York Times bestselling author Dr. David Jeremiah reminds us, it's a biblical truth: Sex and passionate, romantic love are God's ideas!

The Love Chapter: The Meaning of First Corinthians 13 (Paraclete Essentials) 

One of the most important passages in the Scriptures, First Corinthians 13 is often read and rarely followed. Medieval theologian, John Chrysostom, was called the “golden-mouthed” one, for the eloquence of his preaching. His reputation extended from his native East to the Christian West, and he is remembered today as a Church Father for the entire Church. Now available in a popular contemporary English translation for the first time, The Love Chapter makes available these most important reflections of St. John, on a most important portion of the New Testament. 

Related articles

• Learning to Love
• Embrace Discipline
• 1 John 4 - In the Name of Love
• How can I know if something is a sin?
• Bible Verses for Long Distance Relationships